CAN I TRUST YOU ? (PART-1)

She was your doll, you, her hero. She used to adore you like no one else. You were her first best friend, her first love. Whenever you would leave the city for a few days for work, she always used to have tears in her eyes. Whenever you used to be late to get back home, she used to wait for you, her eyes moving like a pendulum - once at the clock and once at the door. And before going to bed she used to run into your arms, kiss your cheeks and gleefully say,"Goodnight Daddy!" She was your flesh and blood. She was the living evidence of your love for your wife. She should have been safer with you than with anyone else in this whole wide world. Then how could you? How could your hands undress her, the same hands which once used to set her diapers in place? How could your fingers explore her, the same fingers which she held to learn to walk to explore different places? How could you kiss her with the same mouth which refused to take in a morsel of food if something happened to her? How could you lay your eyes on her, the ones which used to check if she is okay, every now and then? How could you sleep with her forgetting the days you used to lull her to sleep in your arms? HOW COULD YOU, BEING A FATHER, RAPE YOUR OWN DAUGHTER? You were supposed to protect her from the outside world goddamn it! Not to make her a toy for your evil intentions yourself. How could you? Just how? 

She thought you to be her best friend. She used to look up at you always. Yes, she did fight with you, but she loved you the most too. Whenever she used to cross the road, she used to hold your hand out of sheer habit. Any complaint against anyone bullying her in school or complex, she knew just that one person whom she could run to, it was you. Whenever she looked up to you she only had respect and trust for you. She shared every detail about her life with you: her list of crushes, her guy friends, her girlfriends and their boyfriends too. She tried most of her firsts with you: first long drive, first late night movie, first drink...but the first kiss and losing her virginity by doing it for the first time was not what she had intended to do with you. But you did. HOW COULD YOU? HOW COULD YOU, BEING AN ELDER BROTHER, RAPE YOUR LITTLE SISTER? Your parents had entrusted you with her responsibility. You were the one giving away warnings to all the wrong guys who loitered around her. You were a father figure to her. You were supposed to push away the guys who tried to harm her and not push your manliness into her, you coward! How could you? Just how?

She held you for the first time when you were just a few minutes old. She could finally see you, feel you and touch you. She used to talk to you through the womb of her mother. You liked that, that is what your mum would tell her. After you came home, she was the one who was most excited. When she used to be at home, she used to spend her entire time with you, watching you and playing with you. She had even insisted on taking you to school with her after a few days of your coming home, and she cried a lot when she wasn't allowed. She could not stand letting you out of her sight. Whenever you would pull her hairs and you would get a scolding for that, she used to feel guilty, feel it was a small mistake of yours which she could have overlooked. But how could you not realise that pulling hairs and pulling off her dress are two different things? How could you not realise that the scar on her forehead because of you, which was still visible after years, was nothing compared to the invisible scar you put on her life? She always protected you from bullies when you were a kid. Then how could you indulge yourself in an act where she herself needed protection from you? HOW COULD YOU? HOW COULD YOU, BEING A YOUNGER BROTHER, RAPE YOUR ELDER SISTER? She loved you more than she loved her parents. She sacrificed so many things for you just for your smile. She brought you up like her baby. And in return what do you give her? Ceaseless pain,  a lifelong reason to be ashamed, and your dick inserted into her, you shitty creature? How on Earth could you? Just how?

Could this be the end of the treachery by the different relations? Or are there more? Wait for the next part to find out...

WHOM DO I TURN TO?

Having relived the happy times again, she closed the album for the last time, a single drop of tear trickling down her face. She had no more tears to shed, she had no more emotions left inside her...she was void of them now....  On the cover of the album was scribbled...'happy days'... They were indeed happy days. She thought she had married the best man on earth, only to be proved wrong after a few months of marriage....

She was happy that she was marrying a man just like she had always wanted...smart, handsome, understanding and a man full of surprises. After a few days of their being together, the clouds of love started to scatter, with the beginning of arguments between them, from small to huge. Sometimes a sorry was enough to make-up and sometimes it took a day or two to start talking again.

He had bestowed the sweet and loveable surprises first....to keep the wilder ones for a later time. One day she got a taste of that too. He had returned late that night and since the food was not heated properly, came a whopping slap on her face, the red mark of his five fingers leaving a temporary mark on her face, but with a permanent effect on their marriage. She tolerated a few more blows, over a month or so, and when she could take it no more, she left for her parents' place.

She was made to understand that running away like this is not good, society will look down upon them if she returns to her parents' place in this manner. She went back, only to be hit more harshly and more frequently. The hands were replaced by leather belts, one or two strokes became five-six. The five-fingers red mark changed to blue-black patches of the fist blows, the red striped lines of the belts, and the dirt covering another set of blue patches from the soles of his shoes.

She cried to herself. She had no one to talk to. She felt embarrassed for the situation in which she was. She felt guilty and thought it was all her fault. She did not want to turn to her parents, they would not understand. She could not turn to her friends because she was ashamed of her present situation. When she could see no other option, and when she was completely broken and could not endure any more, she chose the easiest way out, SUICIDE.......

So many ladies suffer from such domestic violence. Most of them keep numb, keep shut about their situation, feeling embarrassed, scared. They do not know how to deal with such situations. They either continue to suffer the pain silently or choose the easier way out- to run away or simply death. Very few take up the courage to report against such monsters and make sure they are rewarded with the right punishment.

...AND WE ALL FALL DOWN.

She hesitated before leaving the building. Taking a deep breath, she finally came out of the gates. As she walked, the tension within her could be sensed. Short, quick steps, bag clutched close to her body and eyes constantly looking down. She was so full of shame that she could not look into any of the many eyes darting towards her. When she reached college, not a single friend of hers came to talk to her. Overnight she had become a stranger to them, with whom no body wanted to be associated with. She was paying the price of being his sister.


Back in the house, the mother hid herself behind the closed doors, cut off from the outside world. The maids refused to work for her family anymore. She busied herself in the household chores to keep the thoughts and guilt away. But every now and then, tears automatically flowed down her wrinkled cheeks and curses for him unknowingly skipped her mouth.

After a week of solitude, the father finally left the house for his normal morning walk. As usual, there weren't many people in the park. The few buddies that he had just patted his back and walked away. Not a word was spoken between them. He thought he was strong, but he was too weak to accept the present situation. He walked back to the safety of his house, only to lock himself up for yet another week.


His brother felt uneasy going to school. Lessons were important. Reluctantly entering through the school gates, he found his situation was no different from that of his sister or father. To him it seemed as if he was invisible to everyone. No one even glanced at him. But amongst all of them, came a small tap from behind. It was his cousin (they studied in the same class). He pulled him to a corner only to express his anger. They had never fought before, they always stood by each other but today he abused him. His situation was the same, invisible to others. He left saying, "It's my bad luck that umm related to you and that bloody HIM."


Meanwhile, HE was behind the bars. Even after being beaten up badly by his inmates for what he had done, there was not a pinch of shame in his eyes or any bit of remorse on his face. Rather there was pride. He wasn't worried about being behind the bars. He was sure he would be released soon. Sooner than his other inmates. His crime was very small. He had just raped a girl, that's it.

But not many families face this, as very few of the rapists are actually caught. Most of them escape. They are left free to hunt down another prey. And even if they are caught, do they care? Not the least. Because they know they are not gonna be punished...ever in their lifetime.

DOES ANYONE LOVE ME?

23.12.04

It was around 5:00 p.m., when little Jia’s cousin brother, Abhi, who was returning to India for his holidays, called up her aunt (his mother) and said, “Mumma, I have reached”. His mother knew that it was just a few more minutes before she would see her son again, and with this thought she lighted up and checked for the last time if all arrangements were properly done or not. Even Jia got excited and she ran to the balcony and was watching out for the car to arrive.

At 6:30 p.m., the car arrived and she ran to her aunt to inform her. When the doorbell rang Jia’s aunt opened the door while Jia hid herself behind her. Her brother took the blessings of his mother first and when she took him into a hug, he hugged her back tightly, while he ruffled Jia’s hair affectionately. After that, they all went into the room.

There everybody sat comfortably and everyone was having snacks and small talks with him. Jia sat at one corner, feeling shy. Abhi noticed her and told her, “You have grown so much in a year. You look like that actress. A tiny bit.” She shook her head in denial and looked down instantly, blushing. Later when he opened the bag and started distributing gifts to all, some got chocolates and some other mugs; he called her while taking out a woollen jacket. Handing it to her he said, “It was only you whom I remembered while shopping.” She was really very happy, because at that instant she could not remember when she had received such a special gift from anyone. She was happy because he made her feel special. He made her wear that jacket at that instant, and when he did so; she pledged to herself that she will not let anyone take that jacket away from her, that she will never give it to anyone else.

One has said, “Happy times need to go so that they can come back.” But it is not always true. Sometimes when happiness is lost, it never returns. Even after months of Abhi’s departure, the house did smile, until one day when they received a call...

18.05.05

It was the call of one of Abhi’s colleagues. He just said, “Abhi is dead, he is no more.” Those words were like a sudden, violent storm, and when it passed, it took away with it the smiles of the house. Although there was bright summer sunshine outside the house, the inside turned completely dark, everything motionless and everyone speechless. A freak car accident had not taken only Abhi’s life, but it also took a bit of everyone, here, thousands of kms away.

Everyone was shattered. When Jia’s aunt got the news, she almost fainted. She fell on the ground and started crying badly, cursing her luck. It went on for days, till Abhi’s corpse was brought, laid in a coffin, and with sunset his body was cremated with all the Hindu rituals.

PRESENT DAY

Years have passed since that incident happened. Jia’s aunt, does not say anything directly, but even after so many years she cries internally and just wishes that she could get her son back by some means.

Little Jia is a grown up girl now. Whenever she gets lonely, or a good scolding from her parents and she feels that she has no one in this world whom she can share her grievances with, or that she has no one in this world who cared for her or loves her, she recollects what had happened on 23^rd December,2004. Thinking of it, she sometimes feels that it was nothing but her dream, nothing of that sort had ever taken place. But the very next moment, just to make sure that whether that cousin of hers was really a part of her life or was just one of her imaginary characters, she starts looking for the jacket. Having seen it she gets reassured that he was certainly a part of her life, a part of her reality and that...
 She had someone on this earth who cared for her.
  She had someone on this earth who really loved her, and that 

 She had someone on this earth who remembered her most amongst all...